So let’s look at making text a little bit easier on the eye and kind of condensing it down, and breaking it down so it’s just easier for people to kind of flow through the content, rewording things to make it just a little bit more punchy. Right, so here is an email Method of Madness you know, they’ve got the font spacing and the sizing right I think, and it’s ok, but I just think this is a bit of a gobful, you know, you have to read it and properly read it to understand what it is it’s trying to say to you. And then you’ve got all of this text here and then read more. Now, I don’t know what they’re asking me to read without, you know, okay, yes, I’ve made this in bold here, but there’s a lot of information there to try and digest.
So, what I’m going to do is go through it here. So, this is what they’ve put in the email. This is copied directly from here. Okay? So, in this document, I’m just going to go through my thought process in terms of condensing that down just so it’s a bit more email friendly, a little bit easier to read. So, this is a lift from the email, right? Heading and copy. So, the first iteration I’m looking at, I’m looking at the heading. So, they’ve got ‘How user research can transform tech’s inclusivity problem’. I’ve got a couple of different options here. ‘Let’s transform tech’s inclusivity problem’, which is a bit more of an action statement, ‘Inclusivity and tech: the problem’. So just really kind of condensing that message down into less words, making it a little bit more focused. Okay, so now let’s look at some of this copy here, that can be broken down, that can be condensed, right?
So, the first thing I’ve done here is every time it’s a full stop, I’ve started a new line just to kind of make sense of what’s going on. So, this now gives me a handful, like six paragraphs, or sentences to work with. Just making it easier for me as a copywriter to kind of make sense of what I’ve got. Ok, so what I’m doing here first is I’m just condensing down each of those sentences, removing some of the filler words, removing some of the copy, and making it a little bit more direct. So, here’s what I’m taking it from and here is my new revised copy. So, ‘User research should lead the way’, ‘We know the tech industry suffers from’, and I’m just kind of boiling down all of these into really kind of punchy statements here and taking some of the stuff out that I don’t think is absolutely necessary.
Right so next, here is the new copy taken from right the way up here. All of this, this is now what we’re left with here. Right now, I’ve condensed it down. I’ve taken a sledgehammer at the copy. I’ve removed some of the filler words. I’ve kind of tried to condense it down here. This is what we’ve got in terms of reorganising some of the content. Okay? So just to kind of make it flow a little bit better, ‘We know there’s a problem’, ‘There’s a lack of diversity resulting in low productivity’, ’According to reports’ this is what is said, ‘User research should lead the way’, ‘Read our guide’. So it flows. Okay? So, this is the problem. This is why it’s a problem. This is backing up that statement. User research should actually be the solution to the problem. Read our guide on inclusion. Okay, so what I’ve got here is a flow
and now this is the final copy that I’ve written. Now this is the same stuff as above, but again, I’ve kind of gone through and I’ve kind of sandwich-ed it together. So now I’m taking those, kind of, loose sentences and making them into something. So ‘Tech suffers from a lack of diversity, and it’s clear that a lack of diversity results in low productivity.’ ‘According to reports, there are incentives on offer for organisations who focus on diversity and inclusion, and we believe user research should lead the way.’ ‘Make your user research more inclusive with our free guide.’ ‘Read the guide.’ Now, hopefully, you can see here that is light years away from what they’ve got here, which is asking you to invest a minute or so, making sense of what they’re trying to say, what they’re trying to read. And here with the heading as well, it’s a bit of an investment of time, investment of trying to make sense of what they’re trying to sell me, what they’re trying to get me to do. Make it punchy.
So, ‘Let’s transform tech’s inclusivity problem’ or ‘Inclusivity in tech: the problem’ focusing on what the issue is, right the way down to here with a clear call to action, less investment of time, less going on, less for you to have to digest and make sense of. Remembering that people are literally going to scan through this. You’ve got seconds to get your message across. If the guide is the thing that you are trying to get people to read and go through to your website and put some information in and get the guide, or go directly to the PDF, don’t make it a challenge. Go straight to the message. There’s a problem, here’s why there’s a problem, this is the solution, here’s the guide. Really kind of drive that message down.